Averting Looming Church Crisis

In an effort to avoid a looming church crisis, Good Shepherd Church is calling on all members to seriously consider assisting with the Sunday morning donut situation. According to church leadership, several months in 2020 still remain without volunteers to pick up the donuts from the donut shop and bring them to church.

Most church leaders have publicly expressed cautious optimism that the crisis will be averted, but until it is, a sense of uneasiness shrouds the hallowed halls of GSC donut distribution headquarters. One church official, who asked to remain nameless, was quoted as saying "If we don't get this taken care of soon, this could be as big as the 1973 oil crisis."

Good Shepherd Church pastor, The Rev'd Randall Graf, issued an urgent statement earlier this week to the membership in which he strongly denied rumors that the church was considering hiring an outside firm, the H. Simpson Corporation, to help manage the potential donut crisis. The official statement from the pastor's office ended with an emotional plea to parishioners which concluded with the ominous words "What message are we sending future generations? Please folks... do it for the children."

The 2020 Donut Sign Up Sheet hangs on the bulletin board in the narthex.